When I look at control there are so many ways you can take and mislead control. First you must always have complete control in your life. This helps you to move forward in so many ways.
I will give a few examples:-
- As a child your parents will have your control, this is where your learning about life starts. As you grow parents forget to give us back control of our life. Our parents come together to learn their own lessons in life through one another. They each bring their own baggage. They are struggling to have control in their own life. This reflects on the child as their expectation of the child is greater. What they did not achieve as a child they carry this over with their own children and expect their children to live out this expectation. So in return the child will struggle to have control in their own life.
- If one parent is lacking control in their life, say for example - the mother, she tries to control other situations. She will have a need to keep control of the house, always wanting it to be tidy and clean and have everything in its place. This helps her believe that she has control in her life. When the house gets untidy and things are out of place she feels uneasy and agitated. She will expect her children to behave as she does, demanding that they keep things tidy. If the mother is always correcting the child, the child feels frustrated. The child feels uncomfortable, angry and unloved. The child picks up emotions around the mother and this add to their anxiety.
- Another form of control is when, for example, the father has high expectations of a child. He projects this onto the child demanding that he live up to these. Then the child cannot have his own expectations and hopes for his/her life, s/he will find it difficult to develop his/her own personality. As a result the child grows with a personality with which they cannot identify deeply. They will feel that something is not right in their life. At times they will feel out of control, as they struggle to make something fit that never belonged to them in the first place.
- If you only have 60% control in your life and you get an illness, you will find it more difficult to recover because you only have that 60% to work with. You will look to take the balance from someone else, i.e. your partner, your children, your work colleagues, your family, your friends. You can gain this control by getting people to feel sorry for you because of the illness, therefore gaining the sympathy and attention you need. You do not fully realise what you are doing. This will make your recovery even more difficult because you are gaining attention by being sick and your energy levels are not improving. You are still not taking responsibility for your well-being or making the necessary decisions about your life.
Copyright © 2017, Hazel Devine. All rights reserved. Control V.1